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How to Treat Gas, Bloat, Wrinkles and high Blood Pressure Caused by Salespeople

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It’s a proven fact that salespeople can cause premature aging in marketing people.  Wrinkles are the most visible indication that salespeople are stressing out the marketing department.

Doctors tell me that another symptom of premature aging in marketing people is increased blood pressure (usually within 25 feet of anyone from Sales, including sales management).   Other health issues may be gas and bloating; severe snoring and lack of sleep; heart palpitations and migraine headaches between the eyes.  Stomach ailments are also reported when salespeople fail to make quota and complain to Marketing.

The treatment for these common symptoms is to give every salesperson a qualified sales lead each morning, with or without food.  Avoid giving salespeople qualified leads if they are likely to consume alcohol within four hours.   Alcohol is known to put them to sleep and they will easily forget they received a qualified lead from you.  

Why it's Important

"If all salespeople are given at least one qualified lead a day, within 30 days marketing managements blood pressure will begin to return to normal when they are in the presence of anyone from Sales.   Within 45 days gas and bloat should subside to once or twice a week.   Snoring diminishes and lack of sleep is resolved within 60 days.  Heart palpitations and migraines might take as long as 90 days to subside."

Jim Obermayer

If all salespeople are given at least one qualified lead a day, within 30 days your blood pressure will begin to return to normal when you are in the presence of anyone from Sales.   Within 45 days gas and bloat should subside to once or twice a week.   Snoring diminishes and lack of sleep is resolved within 60 days.  Heart palpitations and migraines might take as long as 90 days to subside.

Wrinkles from constant frowning, caused by salespeople’s complaints, start to disappear as salespeople make quota and discontinue complaining in your presence. 

As sales improve due to the influx of qualified leads, senior management will attribute the corresponding increase in sales to many sources, but you know better.

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Warning LabelWarning Label

Do not be tempted to give the salesperson three doses (three qualified leads) in a 24 hour period.  They will begin to expect it from you.  Addiction is likely or an overdose is a possibility. The result may cause them to demand more and more qualified leads.   They may site for long periods staring at their screen application waiting for a qualified lead to appear.   Even pizza in the break room will not break thier concentration

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It is tempting isn’t it?

 

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